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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE, Friendship and love play a major role in psychological adjustment. the strongest, predictor of happiness is social relationship. If there is no social connection it leads to poor, mental and physical health and antisocial behaviour., , 1.PERSPECTIVES ON CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS, 1. The ingredients of close relationships, Close relationship are those that are important, interdependent, and long lasting.in, other words people in close relationship spent a lot of time and energy maintaining the, relationship and get influence from each other. Close relationship are characterised by, partners who are irreplaceable, whereas causal relationship are interchangeable. Close, relationship come in many forms like family relationship and work relationship to, romantic relationship and marriage, close relationship has capacity to arouse intense feelings both positive like concern,, care. And negative as jealousy. Close relationships are related to best aspects of life i.e., is wellbeing, happiness and health.at the same time not all close relationships are, characterized by emotional intimacy., 2. Culture and relationships, In individualistic societies Emphasis on love as prerequisite for marriage is, unique to Western culture. romantic love is a highly personal experience; one immerses, oneself in the new partner and often virtually ignores friends and family for a while., Individualistic societies value passionate love more than people from collectivist, cultures, In collectivist societies, the individual in love must take into account the wishes, of family and other group members; in fact, marriages are often arranged with, respective families matching up the bride and groom. But this isn't to say in collectivist, cultures passionate love is absent. People in collectivist cultures tend to value romantic, love less, 3. Internet and Relationship, An internet relationship is a relationship between people who have met online,, and in many cases know each other only via the Internet. Online relationships are, similar in many ways to pen pal relationships. This relationship can be romantic,, platonic, or even based on business affairs. An internet relationship (or online, relationship) is generally sustained for a certain amount of time before being titled a

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , relationship, just as in-person relationships. The major difference here is that an internet, relationship is sustained via computer or online service, and the individuals in the, relationship may or may not ever meet each other in person. Otherwise, the term is quite, broad and can include relationships based upon text, video, audio, or even virtual, character. This relationship can be between people in different regions, different, countries, different sides of the world, or even people who reside in the same area but, do not communicate in person., Social networking has enabled people to connect with each other via the, internet. Sometimes, members of a social networking service do know all, or many of, their "friends" (Facebook) or "connections" (LinkedIn) etc. in person. However,, sometimes internet relationships are formed through these services, including but not, limited to: Facebook, Myspace, Google Plus, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest,, DeviantArt and Xanga., "Social networking service" is a very broad term, branching out to websites, based on many different aspects. One aspect that is possible on all social networking, sites is the possibility of an internet relationship. These sites enable users to search for, new connections based on location, education, experiences, hobbies, age, gender, and, more. This allows individuals meeting each other to already have some characteristic, in common. These sites usually allow for people who do not know each other to "add", each other as a connection or friend and to send each other messages. This connection, can lead to more communication between two individuals. An immense amount of, information about the individuals can be found directly on their social network profile.., This relationship can turn into an acquaintance, a friendship, a romantic relationship,, or even a business partnership., , II., , INITIAL ATTRACTION AND RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT, Attraction is the initial desire to form a relationship. Individual use a multitude of, factors to assess another person as a mate or friend. Attraction is a two-way process,, Attraction refers to positive feelings about another person. It can take many, forms, including liking, love, friendship, lust, and admiration., A., , Initial encounters, Initial encounter begins with two stranger’s eyes looking each other, two, people become aware of their mutual interest. There are four factor of initial, encounter.

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , 1. Proximity: geographic, residential, and other forms of spatial closeness, People are more likely to become friends with people who are geographically, close. Generally, people become acquainted with, and attracted to, those who, live, work, or play nearby., 2. Familiarity/similarity, People also tend to pick partners who are similar to themselves in, characteristics such as age, race, religion, social class, personality, education,, intelligence, and attitude. This similarity is seen not only between romantic, partners but also between friends. Some researchers have suggested that, similarity causes attraction. Others acknowledge that people may be more likely, to have friends and partners who are similar to themselves simply because of, accessibility: people are more likely to associate with people who are similar to, themselves., Mere exposure effect: an increase in positive feelings toward a novel, stimulus (person) based on frequent exposure to it.The more familiar a, person is, the more you will like him/her,But, if your initial reaction was, negative, increased exposure will intensify the dislike, 3. Physical attractiveness, Emphasis on physical attractiveness, Attractiveness is important factor in dating, friendships. Recent research, suggests that gender differences in emphasis on physical attractiveness have, been exaggerated. Results of cross-cultural study indicate that personal qualities, (e.g., intelligence) tend to be ranked higher, What makes someone attractive?, Unattractive body is generally seen as greater liability than unattractive, face In men: broad shoulders, slim waist and legs, small buttocks. In women:, not overweight. In our culture, it's more important for females to be physically, attractive, B., , Getting acquainted, 1., , Reciprocal liking: liking those who show that they like youProbably a, function of self-fulfilling prophecy Research evidence indicates that, playing "hard to get" is not advisable strategy, , 2., , Desirable personality characteristics- Studies suggest most sought after, qualities are kindness, consideration, honesty, and humor Personal

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , qualities generally rated as more important than physical characteristics, for long-term relationships, 3., , Similarity, Heterosexual married and dating couples tend to be similar in age,, race, religion, social class, etc. Similarity in certain personality, characteristics tends to be influential imilarity in attitudes also causes, liking, , C., , Established Relationships, 1., , Relationship maintenance : involves the actions and activities used, to sustain the desired quality of a relationship. Many activities are, included in relationship maintenance, including minding, an active, process that involves self-disclosure and other relationship-enhancing, attitudes and skills and should continue throughout the course of the, relationship., , 2., , Relationship, , satisfaction, , and, , commitment: Social, , exchange, , theory: interpersonal relationships are governed by perceptions of, the rewards and costs exchanged in interactions, a., , Model predicts that relationships will continue as long as, participants feel that benefits outweigh costs, , b., , Comparison level: personal standard of what constitutes an, acceptable balance of rewards and costs in a relationship, , 3., , Factors in commitment in relationships, a., , Comparison level for alternatives: one's estimation of the, available outcomes from alternative relationships, , b., , Investments: things that people contribute to a relationship, that they can't get back if the relationship ends, , 4., , Some evidence that principles of exchange theory apply differently in, different kinds of relationships (e.g., close relationships, communal, relationships), , III FRIENDSHIP, A What makes a good friend?, Good friends have a huge impact on our success and happiness; they give us confidence,, make us feel valued and offer support and love when we need it. Friends are special

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , •, , because each one is unique, but there are common factors that make a good friend., Factors to be a good friend. AreLoyalty is probably main factor, , •, , Other important factors include emotional support, and letting friends be friends, , B.Gender differences in friendship, Friendships Between Women –Compared with men, women have more close friends, and their friendships involve more self-disclosure and exchange of mutual support., Women are more likely to listen at length to what a friend has to say and be sympathetic, Women’s friendships tend to be characterized not only by depth but also by breadth:, women share many aspects of their experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Women more, likely to discuss personal issues, feelings Women’s friendships tend to focus on, talking, emotional intimacy., , Friendship Between Men - When female friends get together, they like to talk, but male, friends are more likely to engage in activities, especially outdoors. Thus, the adult male, pattern of friendship often involves keeping one’s distance while sharing useful, information. Men are less likely than women to talk about their weaknesses with their, friends, and men want practical solutions to their problems rather than sympathy Also,, adult male friendships are more competitive than those of women Men's friendships, tend to be based on shared interests, doing things together Men's friendships tend, to be regulated by social roles., , Friendship Between Women and Men -it can provide both opportunities and problems., The opportunities involve learning more about common feelings and interests and, shared characteristics, as well as acquiring knowledge and understanding of beliefs and, activities. Problems can arise in cross-gender friendships because of different, expectations. For example, a woman might expect sympathy from a male friend but, might receive a proposed solution rather than a shoulder to cry on, , IV ROMANTIC LOVE, A,Myths about love:, Love is liking. liking involves our sense that someone else is similar to us; it, includes a positive evaluation of the individual. Loving, he believes, involves

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , being close to someone; it includes dependency, a more selfless orientation, toward the individual, and qualities of absorption and exclusiveness Myths are:, 1. Often it is difficult to distinguish love from lust, 2. Confusion about romantic relationship is not unusual, 3. When love strikes, you have no control over it, 4. True love lasts forever, 5. Love can conquer all problems, 6. Authentic love is no guarantee of successful relationship, 7. Some evidence that liking your lover may be more important than loving your, lover, 8. Love is a sign that you’re meant to be together., 9. You need romantic love to be happy., 10. The first cut is the deepest., 11. Love is all you need., 12. Love will make you feel complete., 13. Jealousy and drama are just symptoms of love., 14. When you meet the one, you’ll know instantly., , B.Gender differences regarding love, Research indicates that men are more romantic than women Contrary to traditional, stereotype Women seem to be more romantic with regard to expressions of love, Women may be more sensitive to problems in relationships Gender differences in styles, of communicating and interacting often complicate. Overall, women are more, expressive and affectionate than men. Women consistently disclose more to their, romantic partners than men do and women tend to express more tenderness, fear, and, sadness than their partners. Wives often complain that their husbands do not care about, their emotional lives, that their husbands do not express their own feelings and thoughts,, and, C Theories of love, Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love, According to Sternburg, any permutation of love contains at its root three, components. They are:, 1. Passion: the intense feelings (both positive and negative) experienced in love, relationships, including sexual desire

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , 2. Intimacy: warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship, 3. Commitment: the decision and intent to maintain a relationship in spite of the, difficulties and costs that may arise, He Describes eight different types of relationships resulting from presence or, absence of each of three components. In the sake of completeness, each permutation, has an accompanying description., i., ii., , iii., , iv., v., , vi., , vii., viii., , Nonlove “refers simply to the absence of all three components of love., Liking/friendship is “used here in a nontrivial sense. One feels closeness,, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or, long-term commitment.”, Infatuated love: “Infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in, the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment… infatuated love may disappear, suddenly., Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. In an, arranged marriage, the spouses’ relationship may begin as empty love, Romantic love “derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate, components of love…romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other, but are also bonded emotionally”- bonded both intimately and passionately, but, without sustaining commitment., Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than, friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. “This type of love is, observed in long-term marriages, shared between family members is a form of, companionate love., Fatuous love “fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of, passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement.”, Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship, toward which people strive. consummate love, which he said is the strongest, fullest, type of love., , Romantic love as attachment theory, Attachment Theory of Love proposes that the type of romantic relationship one has as, an adult is determined by the type of relationship one had with one's primary caregiver, as a child. In other words, the connection or attachment we had with our primary, caregiver, usually our mother, as children determines the way we behave in adult, relationships. This theory originated from John Bowlby, who believed that a warm,, close relationship with one's mother is just as crucial to a baby as food and oxygen., Without it, a person would not be able to develop normally - socially or emotionally.

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , Attachment Styles, Secure attachment style is characterized by low avoidance and low anxiety., Infants with a secure attachment style trust their caregivers (person who helps). They, do not avoid their mothers, and display low anxiety when she is present. During the, experiment, these infants happily explored the unfamiliar room when the mother was, nearby. They became a little upset when she left, but relaxed and continued playing, once she returned., Avoidant attachment style, which is characterized by high avoidance and low, anxiety. Infants with an avoidant attachment style have no preference between a, caregiver and a complete stranger. They avoid closeness with anyone and rarely feel, anxiety from the presence or absence of any particular person. During the experiment,, these infants did not appear to be upset by the separation, and they hardly even noticed, when their mothers returned., Final attachment style - is characterized by low avoidance and high anxiety., Infants are insecure and overemotional when it comes to their mothers. They are, anxious when the mother is there and when she is absent. During the experiment, these, infants clung to their mothers instead of exploring the new environment. When she left,, they became extremely upset. When she returned, they either appeared to be indifferent,, likely sulking, or even became hostile., a) Correlates of attachment styles, 1., , Securely attached individuals have more well-adjusted, relationships, , 2., , Insecurely attached individuals may have problems with, low self-esteem, loneliness, , 3., , Attachment patterns may exert influence beyond, romantic relationships (e.g., attitudes about work), , b) Stability of attachment styles, 4., , Adult attachment styles parallel those in infancy, , 5., , But, some people can revise their attachment styles in, response to relationship experiences, , D.The course of romantic love, Research indicates that passion in relationship fades over time., Why relationships fail?, The reason may be

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , •, , Premature commitment, , •, , Ineffective conflict resolution and conflict management skill., , •, , Becoming bored with the relationship, , •, , Availability of a more attractive relationship, , Helping relationships last, The important things to keep the relationship last are•, , Get to know other person before making long-term commitment.it, requires Self-disclosure, commitment and intimacy, , •, , Emphasize should be given on positive qualities in partner, , •, , Develop effective conflict management resolution skills, , V.APPLICATION: LONELINESS, A., , The Nature of Loneliness, People have a basic human desire to seek the company of others., Because of this strong human tendency, people who do not interact with others, in close relationships on a regular basis may feel lonely. Lonely people may feel, that no one knows them very well. They might feel isolated and sense that they, do not have anyone to turn to in times of need and stress., Jeffrey Young identified three kinds of loneliness, 1., , Chronic loneliness, Chronic loneliness is the feeling you are alone, even in a room full of, people., •, , chronic loneliness is linked with impaired physical and mental, health., , 2., , •, , Chronic loneliness can even lead to an early death., , •, , higher levels of stress-related hormones, , •, , poorer sleep patterns, , Transition Loneliness, The start of a new school year often means the beginning of a new, transition. For younger children, it could often mean transitioning to a, new school, for young adults, transitioning to college etc, •, , These transitions can be both the source of excitement as well as, stress.

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , •, , It is easier to ignore loneliness when you are surrounded by, others and have the opportunity to engage in superficial, conversations., , •, , But when not busy noise of loneliness because much louder and, more difficult to ignore., , 3., , B., , Transient loneliness, , Transient (state) loneliness is temporary in nature, caused by something, in the environment, and is easily relieved. For example, when a person, is sick and cannot socialize with friends would be a case of transient, loneliness. Once the person got better it would be easy for them to, alleviate their loneliness., Prevalence and consequences of loneliness, 1., , Adolescents, young adults are loneliest age group., , 2., , Loneliness tends to decrease with age, until very late in life, , 3., , Personal consequences, , 4., , C., , •, , Painful thoughts may come to dominate one's consciousness, , •, , loneliness causes depression, , •, , loneliness causes poor physical, psychological health, , Social consequences, •, , Lonely people tend to be viewed negatively by others, , •, , Lonely men evaluated more negatively than lonely women, , The roots of loneliness, Contributing social trends, •, , D., , Move to a different part of the country, a divorce, or the death of a close, friend or family member., • The first year of college often creates loneliness., • Technology like mobile phones, internet, etc has reduced opportunities, for social interaction, Correlates of Loneliness, 1., , Shyness: Discomfort, inhibition, and excessive caution in interpersonal, relations. Commonly associated with loneliness., , 2., , Poor Social Skills: Lonely people seem to prefer solitary activities, and, tend to show low responsiveness to their conversational partners. They, may exhibit anxiety about social skills, , 3., , Negative self-talk and self-defeating attributions

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Mr.Azhar Patel,Maulana Azad College, , ., , Negative self-talk underlies many of other factors, prevents, lonely people from actively pursuing intimacy.Lonely people, tend to attribute loneliness to stable, internal causes, which is, ultimately self-defeating, , E., , Conquering loneliness, Main reason people have difficulty overcoming loneliness is that they, tend to withdraw socially, Some effective self-help strategies, •, , Engaging in positive self-talk, , •, , Avoiding temptation to withdraw from social situations, , •, , Working on one's conversational skills, , •, , Participate in activities that you can do with others. Join organizations, or volunteer time for a cause Going to just one social gathering can help, develop social contacts., , •, , Be aware of the early warning signs of loneliness. People often feel, bored or alienated before loneliness becomes pervasive. loneliness can, be avoided by becoming involved in new social activities., , •, , Engage in positive behaviors when you meet new people. developing, enduring relationships if, when you meet new people,you are nice,, considerate, honest, trustworthy, and cooperative. Have a positive, attitude, be supportive of the other person, and make positive comments, about him or her., , •, , See a counselor. -contact the counseling services .Professional, counselors can help with social skills training The counselor can talk, about strategies for reducing loneliness.